How to Observe Your Emotions Without Being Consumed By Them

We’ve all experienced moments when our bodies react to external and internal influences—like hormonal changes, time zone shifts, or climate alterations—and we misinterpret these physiological changes as emotional narratives.

For example, during your monthly cycle, you might experience bloating, and combined with a sad movie from the previous night, you could find yourself spiraling into thoughts about loneliness and fear of dying alone. This illustrates how powerful our internal narratives can be; they don’t always reflect reality.

Because of this, it is essential to develop the skill of observation, enabling us to distinguish facts from projections, assumptions, and interpretations. This skill is crucial not only for our relationships with others but also for our relationship with ourselves.

Observing our emotions is the first step toward understanding them

Instead of evaluating our emotions by categorizing them as “good” or “bad,” “positive” or “negative,” we should start seeing them as messengers from our inner world. Let’s refrain from asking ourselves, “Should I feel this way?” and begin to wonder:

• What beliefs about emotions are preventing me from embracing them?
• What is this emotion trying to tell me about myself?
• What does this feeling indicate about my interactions with others?
• How have I changed as a result of this feeling?
• What value does this emotion express?
• What narrative am I clinging to, and why?
• Am I experiencing more than one emotion?

By engaging with our emotions fully, we do not become prisoners to them; instead, we become informed by them.

It’s important to note that we don’t have to dwell on every single feeling all the time; that expectation is unreasonable. It’s not about being consumed by emotions; rather, it’s about being aware of them and connecting with our true selves through them.

How do we acknowledge emotions without being consumed by them?

Observing our emotions can feel overwhelming. One practical technique I share with my clients is to identify one or two additional emotions that accompany a particularly strong feeling. It may seem counterintuitive to focus on feeling more when you’re already overwhelmed, but identifying multiple emotions can dilute the intensity of the primary feeling and provide a more accurate representation of what you are experiencing.

For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you might also feel sadness, disappointment, frustration, or even hunger. By pinpointing your actual needs, you’re better prepared to address them.

Often, we find ourselves experiencing contradictory emotions. However, in times of strong emotions, many of us struggle to allow ourselves to feel seemingly opposing sentiments. A common example could include feeling both sadness and relief—but we frequently ignore the relief because we lack the tools to integrate these feelings cohesively. This one-sided perspective can lead to a fixation on sorrow.

Perhaps you feel happy and scared simultaneously, but you might gravitate toward one feeling to preserve your sense of safety.

We must remember that we are complex beings capable of holding a diverse array of contradictory emotions, each conveying different messages or values. Until we learn to accommodate the entirety of our emotional spectrum, we will only perceive part of our reality.

How do we acknowledge that feelings are not facts?

It is vital to recognize this: How we feel reflects our subjective reality—it is not necessarily factual. Just because we feel rejected does not mean we are being rejected. Similarly, feeling insecure does not equate to a lack of ability. Just because you’re sad, it doesn’t imply that there’s a tangible loss.

This perspective does not invalidate your feelings; it simply defines their limitations. They portray your reality, your triggers, past wounds, fatigue, and so much more. Acknowledging that feelings represent our subjective experience helps paint a more comprehensive picture of our emotional landscape.

Excerpted from It’s on Me: Accept Hard Truths, Discover Your Self, and Change Your Life by Sara Kuburic, with permission from the publisher.

Practical ways to differentiate between emotions and facts.

Separating emotions from facts can be a challenging task, but it is an important skill to have in order to make rational and objective decisions. Here are some practical methods to help you separate your feelings from facts:

1. Recognize your emotions: Start by acknowledging your emotions and understanding that they can cloud your judgement. Take a moment to identify and label the emotions you are experiencing.
2. Gather information: Gather all the relevant information and evidence before making any conclusions. This will help you rely on actual facts rather than assumptions or personal biases.
3. Question your assumptions: Analyze your thoughts and beliefs, and question whether they are based on facts or emotions. Be critical of any assumptions you may have and seek concrete evidence to support or refute them.
4. Take a step back: If you find yourself being overwhelmed by emotions, take a step back from the situation. Take a break or engage in activities that help you relax and clear your mind, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises.
5. Seek different perspectives: Engage in discussions with others who have different viewpoints or seek advice from trusted individuals. This can help you gain a broader understanding of the situation and challenge your own biases.
6. Separate facts from interpretations: Differentiate between objective facts and subjective interpretations. Facts are verifiable and can be proven, while interpretations are subjective and influenced by personal feelings.
7. Use logic and reasoning: Make decisions based on logical reasoning rather than feelings. Consider the evidence, think critically, and evaluate the pros and cons of different options.
8. Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to your emotions and how they may influence your perception of reality. Develop self-awareness to recognize when your feelings are overpowering facts and make a conscious effort to prioritize objectivity.
9. Consult trusted sources: When in doubt, consult reliable sources of information or experts in the field. This can help you access accurate and unbiased information to inform your decision-making process.
10. Reflect and review: After making a decision, reflect on whether you were able to separate your feelings from facts effectively. Learn from your experiences and continue practicing these techniques to improve your ability to make objective choices.

By consciously applying these practical methods, you can enhance your ability to differentiate between emotions and facts, ultimately enabling you to make well-informed and rational decisions.